Daily Routine in Wartime

During wartime and emergency situations, there may be prolonged periods where we will have to stay at home and we will not be able to go out. Such situations may increase our and our children's distress. We should all follow some guidelines that will ease our prolonged stay at home and reduce our children's fear and stress:

1. Maintaining the familiar routine: it is important to maintain the familiar routine as much as possible, keep a regular sleeping and waking hours' routine, wake up at a reasonable hour, get dressed, sit down for regular meals. Keeping the familiar routine at home when so many changes are happening around us is important for the children and helps them feels calm and safe. You should initiate opportunities for fun activities with the children, like preparing meals together, listening to music, reading books and more.
2. Limit their screen time: it is important to limit children's exposure to news and to contents related to war situation as much as possible. It is preferable that you do not open the news on TV in the presence of children of all ages, even with the sound off, not even videos on our phone. Children both listen to us and read our facial expressions and our voice in response to the things that we watch on the phone. Catching up on the news and staying up-to-date is something that we should do away from the children. There is truth in what they say, "children (including toddlers) hear everything", and therefore it is important that we censor discussion of the current situation when the children are within earshot, even when they are seemingly busy with something else or out of earshot. If the children have still been exposed to distressing contents, it is important to communicate the information to them and allow them to speak about what they have seen or heard.
3. Instill a sense of security: it is important to maintain a sense of security, to talk to the children about things that make them feel safe, like going to the bomb shelter when the siren blares. It is important to tell them about the people who protect all of us, such as the armed forces, therapists, volunteers or the Iron Dome system. It is recommended that you keep repeating reassuring sentences (but only ones that are true!) such as "you're safe now", "I'm here with you", "I love you".
4. Prepare a "story": prepare the story that you wish to tell the children to involve them in the situation. Rehearse it as necessary. Do not use high words when explaining the situation to younger children. Talk to them on their level.
   For example, to children aged 3 or 4 we can say that "we are fighting with our neighbors about the land of Israel, a fight that been going on for many years and sometimes it is getting louder. Then our army knows what to do and how to protect us until it is over".
   To slightly older children we might add that "our neighbors are firing rockets at us, but our army is already familiar with this and knows what to do, and besides we have our Iron Dome system that protects us and we count on them and they will keep us posted".
   In any event, prepare in advance the story that you intend to tell your children and tell it confidently.
5. Answer their questions: let the children ask questions and answer their questions accordingly. If you do not know the answer, or if you are unsure on how to answer, it is okay to tell them that you do not know or that you'll think of an answer and answer them later. You should not give children panicked answers. Take your time, consider things and choose your words carefully. In any event, it is important that any question will preserve the child's sense of security (even when you are not feeling so secure right now).
6. Let the children express themselves: let the children talk about what they want, whether or not it seems important to you. Allow the children to both ask questions and to express themselves emotionally, and do not be quick to dismiss unpleasant emotions such as fear or anger about the situation.
7. Translate the emergency: practice going into the bomb shelter with the children. During the safety drill, make sure that there are no objects and items that may get in the way and that you manage to get to the shelter on time. You can turn this into a game, like when a certain song is playing. Children would grow to play this game independently and go in and out of the shelter independently. Let them do this. This is part of processing the situation.
8. Do something for other people: try to keep children preoccupied with doing something for someone else, whether its baking cookies for the soldiers or painting a picture for grandma and grandpa. These things give children a sense of significance and meaning.
9. Pay attention to their distress: expressions of distress in children may vary. You can expect both restlessness, closing in and outbursts of rage or aggression and obstinacy that were not typical for your child previously. Some children may experience various physical pains (such as a stomach ache or a headache), hypervigilance or increased dependence upon the parents. In younger children, you may expect some form of developmental regression (such as using a more childlike language or bedwetting). It is important that you understand that these are complicated and challenging times, and that children have the resilience to cope with these difficult times.
   Recommendations for parents on coping with traumatic stress in children
   During these difficult war times, you should provide your children with all the security that they can get. You do not have to insist on setting boundaries with them (for example, insisting that they sleep in their own bed). However, in case of extreme reactions such as fear to leave their room, you should consult a professional. You may also do so through the various emotional support hotlines.
   Emotional support hotlines

Staying in the bomb shelter at home or in the building

1. At the bomb shelter in your apartment, you should prepare games and books that the children like, so that you could keep them occupied in pleasant activities. You may also want to bring with you a comfort object or a favorite toy.
2. When the siren is blaring, lead them to the bomb shelter as calmly as possible. Explain to them that the sirens are helping us protect ourselves and that we need to get to a safe space, that we will stay there for a while and that we can leave it later.
3. It is important to allow and initiate physical contact, like placing a hand on the child's shoulder or hug them. Such physical contact may help their sense of security.
4. Try to teach the children breathing exercises while engaging in play activities. For example, take a deep breath and blow out the birthday candle on the cake (this involves guided imagination exercises).
5. You can and should spend your time in the bomb shelter at home to play games, read books and do something together. You can also do some physical exercise while playing a game, like imitating body movements. It is more important to do something together than to do something specific. Even cleaning the bomb shelter together can be an activity that will help the children blow some steam that will bring you together.
6. Assign tasks to the children to increase their sense of control over the situation. For example, you can ask them to prepare games for the shelter ahead of time, to bring in the family pets when the siren blares, to pour a glass of water for everyone in the shelter, and more.

Video: how to deal with distressing situations and build mental resilience (Dr. Gadi Lublin) (Hebrew)